


Community Service

by needleyecandy



Series: Silly September [11]
Category: Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Gen, OOC, probably terrible from a legal scholar's viewpoint as well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-20
Updated: 2015-09-20
Packaged: 2018-04-22 13:33:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4837127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/needleyecandy/pseuds/needleyecandy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Legal technicalities find sweet, innocent angels Thor and Loki doing community service together. Misunderstandings ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Community Service

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy!

Thor was still steamed that he was here at all. It was the holidays, and between trips to pick out trees, and parties, and other celebrations - Fandral had organized a sleigh ride one day, and Sif had even nabbed tickets to the sold-out evening hours at the reindeer petting zoo - all his friends were going to be having a great time these next few weekends, and he was going to be doing _community service._

If only it were fair, he wouldn't mind so much. The judge even looked like she felt bad about it, as the gavel came down. But apparently, when someone of Thor's strength punches someone, it counts as assault. Even when the person he punches is in the middle of stealing a seeing-eye dog from a sweet old man with dark glasses and a wooden leg. Thor knew he was sweet because he volunteered at the senior center once a week to call the bingo games, and he'd gotten to know Teddy reasonably well.

His case worker didn't seem to like it any more than Thor did. "I'm giving you first pick of the new assignments," she said apologetically. "That's the best I can do."

He didn't even look at what the jobs were. "That one," he said, pointing at the address nearest his home.

She blinked. "You're sure?"

"That one," he said again.

*****

Loki got there late. Which is to say that he got there on time and then sat in his car as it got cold, trying to pretend that this wasn't real. He waited until any longer would be _too_ late, and that would be a second mark on his previously spotless record. It was dumb enough that he'd been busted for weed. No one got busted for weed anymore; it had effectively become legal. But Loki's stupid tail light had _just_ gone out, and he had the bad luck of getting pulled over by a rookie with something to prove.

The worst part is that it wasn't even Loki's weed, not really. His grandmother's arthritis medication had been slowly losing effectiveness, and nothing else she had tried was helping. Grandpa had taken Loki aside at Thanksgiving, and asked him (quietly, so his parents wouldn't overhear) if he knew where he might find some for her to try. He called it "Mary-ja-wanna" and looked so worried and earnest that Loki lied and said that he knew where to get it. It had taken nearly three weeks to track some down, and he'd _just_ picked it up and was on his way home to bake her some brownies with a recipe he'd found on the internet, when he got pulled over.

When he went in to see his case worker, there was only one assignment still available.

"Are you serious?" he asked when she told him what it was.

She shrugged. "The earlier people took everything else."

*****

The case worker's assistant contacted them with the details of their assignments.

"So who is my partner?" Thor asked.

He heard the plasticky sound of a mouse scrolling down. "His name is Loki. Drug offenses."

"Great," Thor muttered.

 

 

"Please tell me I'm with someone halfway decent," Loki said to her.

There was a pause as he could hear her scrolling. "Thor. Assault."

"Fuck," Loki said.

*****

Loki didn't _look_ like a junkie, was Thor's first impression. He hurriedly reminded himself, though, that looks could be deceiving. Or maybe Loki was a drug kingpin. Thor had read that they didn't use, themselves. Either way, he would keep a careful eye on his wallet.

"You can pick, if you want. I don't care," Thor said. He seemed awfully nice for someone who had just been convicted of assault. Thor must be the sort who stayed calm and laid back until they simply snap. Loki decided he would pick his words carefully and avoid making any sudden movements.

"I don't think you'd fit into the elf suit," Loki answered. "Not to say you're fat! No, no, not at all. I mean your arms. You're so strong and muscular, I bet your biceps could rip right out of that suit! So it would probably be better if you're Santa."

Loki's words were slow and even. Maybe a little too slow. A little too even. So very, very placid. Perhaps... a little drugged, even? Thor tightened his grip on his wallet as he answered.

"Yes, I think you're probably right."

_Thor had made a fist in his pocket._ It had been impossible to miss, even hidden as it was by the drape of his heavy pants. Loki tried very hard to pretend he hadn't noticed, and resolved not to say anything else about Thor's size. He had thought it was a compliment, commenting on his muscles. Better not to say anything personal at all.

"Please, you take the room first," Loki said politely. Or was that wrong? Maybe Thor didn't want to be in the Santa suit for one second longer than he had to. But Thor was already edging past him, his back to the wall, as he made his way to their dressing room. As though he were doing his best to stay out of arm's reach. As though Thor _knew_ that if they were any closer, he would reach right out and sock Loki in the eye.

Thor couldn't help wondering why Loki wanted him to change first. Was it because he thought he could reach into their changing area while Thor was in his underwear, grab Thor's pants (wallet still in the pocket), and take off running? He couldn't rule it out. It wasn't like he had that much cash with him, but who knew how much damage Loki could do before Thor was able to cancel all his credit cards? Thor's credit rating was extremely important to him. He would have to keep his wallet out of arm's reach at all times.

Somehow they managed to take turns with the room and get into their suits without anyone being assaulted or robbed.

Thor had stuck his wallet down his underwear, glad he'd chosen briefs today that would hold it securely against him. He did have to walk a little stiffly to avoid dislodging it, but that was liveable.

Thor was walking very strangely, Loki thought. Very _aware_ of his body. Hyperaware, even. Hypervigilant. Loki knew what that meant, and he did his best to speak even more calmly than he had before. "Do you want to get started? It's all up to you, of course," he said.

Thor looked at Loki suspiciously. His speech was growing even more relaxed-sounding. Had he _used_ right here in the community center, while he was putting on his elf costume? Had he perhaps used up his supply, and was now in need of money to get more? It was safer not to rule it out.

"Yes, why don't we," Thor said. Better to get out there into the public, where there would be witnesses, he thought.

They walked down the long corridor together, hugging the walls, as far apart as they could get. By the time they reached the gym, where they could already hear the families lined up waiting for them, they were both walking sideways, backs to the walls, facing each other nervously.

Thor had thought it would be better once they took their places - if nothing else, there would be plenty of witnesses, were Loki to try anything. However, once he sat down in the Santa chair, he couldn't keep his own eyes on Loki, and he felt terrible leaving the important task of constant vigilance to the families who had shown up, innocently expecting a pleasant activity for their children. He listened to Loki shaking the boxes and wondered if Loki was low enough to steal from little kids. Probably, he decided.

Loki could see the tension in Thor's neck as he sat there. Was he really horrible enough to hit a kid? Probably not. They wouldn't have let him have this assignment if he were _that_ terrible. Still, he decided that it was best to try to figure out what was in each of the boxes before he handed them to Thor to pass out. Who knew when a parent might set him off, though? Even a camera flash might do it. Anything that sounded even remotely dangerous when Loki shook it went straight to the reject pile.

The families streamed in and poured back out. Child after child carried off their new teddy bears, sweetly oblivious to the danger they had just survived. Loki stood ready to pull them off Thor's lap to safety, if need be. Fortunately, Thor managed to restrain his temper long enough for the morning to pass with no violence.

Thor didn't like how close Loki was standing to the children. It saddened him to think that his elf might be awful enough to pick the pockets of these kids, but he had to face facts. It was up to Thor to be vigilant; for many of the children who passed across his lap, this bear was their only gift. Thor had to make sure that Loki didn't ruin Christmas.

"You make a very good Santa," Loki offered when they left for their lunch break. They had been told to pack their lunches, because otherwise they'd spend their whole break getting out of their costumes and putting them back on, rather than getting a chance to relax. It meant sitting together in a small side room as they ate, though.

"Thank you," Thor said, wondering if Loki was trying to make him let his guard down. "You're a good elf."

"I wish," Loki answered bitterly. "I was trying to be. That's what got me here in the first place."

That was odd. "Huh?" Thor asked.

Loki explained, hoping desperately that Thor wouldn't immediately beat him up for being a Grandma's boy.

"They told me you were here for drug offenses."

"Well, yeah. I mean, I am."

Thor frowned. "What did they tell you I was here for?" he asked.

"For assault," Loki said. He tensed his legs, ready to jump and run.

"Oh, hell. I punched someone who was trying to steal a seeing eye dog."

"So you haven't been about to hit me all morning?"

"No!" Thor answered. "And you haven't been trying to pick my pocket to pay for your next fix, either, I bet."

Loki burst into laughter. "I'm so glad," he said. "We're completely out of teddy bears."


End file.
